Mental health problems affect around one in four people in any given year. They range from common problems, such as depression and anxiety, to rarer problems such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
BPD is much more common than you might imagine. A recent study on the prevalence of mental health disorders in the U.S. found that about 1.6 percent of the population has BPD. ... In fact, about 75% of those diagnosed with BPD in the U.S. are women.
I've had Borderline Personality Disorder most of my life, and it definitely has been a struggle. I wanted to go over the main things about it and my personal experiences. I hope maybe this helps someone else that has it, or to help anyone understand it more in general. If you want to share this, please do. Trigger Warning: I will talk about some disturbing and personal things, but I feel it could be good for others and cathartic for myself as well.
We have an intense fear of abandonment. So we frantically try to avoid it, whether it's real or imagined. Sometimes that even involves pushing the other person away because you feel that if you sever things on your end that it won't be as painful. The other person won't hurt you. But it ends up hurting both of you. It can make the other person feel like the bad guy, that you think the worst of them because you feel like they are just going to up and leave you at any moment. This happened many times in past relationships for me. "We just finished having an argument. I think they are going to realize that I'm a horrible person and leave just like so many I have cared about have done before. They thinking about giving up on me right now. What will I do without them? They are all I have. I should ask them, repeatedly, if they are thinking of leaving me. What can I say that will make them stay?"
We have extreme emotions. Every emotion is magnified and thus they are extremely overwhelming. It is very hard to control these emotions, and we'll either act out in destructive ways because of them or just shut down completely. We can have drastic mood swings that can happen at the drop of a hat (although they tend to not last as long as those with Bipolar). It can be a constant roller coaster. One minute I can be happy, and then someone says something completely harmless, and I will perceive it as an attack and get angry or upset. Anger is definitely right up there with emptiness for the top emotions. Inappropriate, intense anger and difficulty controlling it. I've never been physically abusive, not towards anyone else but myself. However, I have a short temper, and it's difficult not to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Sometimes saying those hurtful things is intentional. The intense anger can make you feel vindictive, saying things on purpose to elicit a reaction.
Unstable self-image. It's so easy to put the blame on yourself for everything. You hate yourself. You think the worst of yourself. I struggle with this a lot, whether it be me thinking I'm the most hideous looking thing on the planet, to thinking I'm a failure in life that doesn't deserve to exist. The voice in the back of your head can go on and on. "You aren't worth anything. No one really likes you. You should just give up. You are fat and ugly and disgusting. You will never amount to anything. The world would be a much better place if you didn't exist. Everyone around you would be better off. No one would really care, because you're not and never will be worth caring about." You become your own worst enemy.
We are impulsive in ways that are damaging, whether it be spending money, casual sex, substance abuse, or binge eating. I suffer from the latter. I'm a bulimic. Food has become such a comfort that I will eat and eat and eat. Then I feel guilty and I will force myself to throw up. It is a vicious and very dangerous cycle. And I feel even more guilty after I do it. I still struggle with it (especially now that I'm concentrating on eating healthy) and I'm very, very lucky that I haven't severely hurt myself. But these things are extremely common with BPD.
Recurrent suicidal behavior, threats or self-mutilating. This is a hard one to discuss. You start to feel so worthless. Hopeless. That you are broken and not worth fixing. And these thoughts just haunt you. It becomes so, so very overwhelming. I have tried to commit suicide twice in the past, both by overdosing. I have scars on my arms, legs and chest from self-mutilation. You hurt yourself because you hate yourself. You think others hate you. And sometimes the cutting provides a relief. A release. All your emotions just pouring out like the blood from every cut. All the pain draining away. Cutting deeper, because you deserve it. But it never lasts, so you keep doing it. The last time I did it wasn't too long ago. I had not done it for many years, and I just couldn't deal with how my life was going. But it didn't provide me with any relief. Instead, it made me sad that I destroyed my body. That every time I decide to wear a sleeveless shirt, or a dress, that people will see it. That people will ask questions. And that I still don't know how to answer them.
We are either stuck in the past or the future. There is constant ruminating over things. For example, if someone without BPD has an argument with another person, they'll usually get over it soon enough. Enough to be able to resolve things. But not with BPD. You go over that fight in your mind, or any event period, over and over. It stays with you. A lot of times my brain brings up issues I've had in the past, embarrassing moments, arguments I've had, or times when I've hurt myself. Sometimes I'll get angry, or I'll cry. Sometimes the embarrassment from a memory is enough to make me physically cringe... tensing my body, squeezing my eyes shut and trying in vain to erase it from my brain. It's hard to get over things because of it.
Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships with idealization and devaluation. "I hate you, I love you, I hate you, I love you." With BPD, we see things in black and white. Either people are good, or they are bad. They are nice, or they are cruel. There is never a gray area. Our brains just won't see it. And thus it affects our personal relationships. When someone does something kind, we idolize them. We think the best of this person. We can see no wrong in that person. "They are just the most amazing and incredible person! I am so blessed to have them in my life." But if that person does something that we don't like, or that we perceive as cruel or unjust, that's when the devaluation happens. "Oh this person is so mean! How did I ever like that person? I am hurt, how can they not see this!? Do they even CARE??" Sometimes this can cause you to not think about the other person, their feelings, their situation. It's just what they've done to you. There are times I have done this, and times I still struggle with this. This is one of the hardest things to work out. A friend will cancel a plan, someone gives me some constructive criticism, someone does something that I personally don't approve of. "I can't believe that someone would treat me like this! Can't they see that I'm the victim? That I'm the one suffering?"
BPD shares a lot of the same symptoms as Bipolar II, ADHD and substance disorders. It's easy to misdiagnose, and I myself was misdiagnosed as Bipolar II until I met a therapist that could recognize the difference.
If you have BPD, or know someone who does, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There are many treatments available.
There is DBT, or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. DBT is a derivative of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. CBT's focus is helping people learn how their thoughts can actually change their feeling and behaviors. It's usually time-limited and goal-focused. DBT however seeks to build upon the foundation of CBT but includes some key components. Mindfulness: the practice of being fully aware and present in this one moment. Distress Tolerance: how to tolerate pain in difficult situations, not change it. Interpersonal Effectiveness: how to ask for what you want and say no while maintaining self-respect and relationships with others. Emotion Regulation: how to change emotions that you want to change.
There are so many ways to learn to cope with your emotions, like doing relaxation exercises and learning to distract yourself with hobbies or even just counting stripes on a blanket to give your mind something else to concentrate on. You will learn how to manage distressing situations and how to see that people are complex and not just good or bad.
There are also medications that can help with mood swings, like Lamictal (which I take), Seroquel, Zyprexa, and many others that are commonly prescribed for depression or Bipolar. BPD however is not a mood disorder, it's a personality disorder. There is no medication that the FDA has approved for BPD, which puts it in a class itself as far as illnesses go in general. However, it can help in combination with therapy.
DBT so far has been wonderful for me. It is hard retraining your brain. You are literally changing the way you think, and for me, it's something that I've had since I was still in elementary. I am also on two medications that have helped some of my mood swings, and a sedative for when I have severe anxiety attacks. At first it was incredibly difficult, and I felt things weren't working. But I kept trying, and my therapist helped me see that what I perceived as the tiniest of steps was actually me making leaps and bounds.
If you or someone you love has BPD, and you aren't seeing a doctor and/or a therapist, please do. It can get better. It can't be cured and, like any mental illness, it will be a lifelong struggle. But you can learn how to deal with it, how to regulate your emotions, and how to live a better life. I promise this. It WILL get better.
If any of you have any questions, please don't hesitate to say something in the comments or e-mail me privately. The links at the very top of the blog are to my social media as well as my e-mail.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that this has been insightful and can help you or a loved one. Just remember that there is nothing wrong with you if you have Borderline Personality Disorder. You are wonderful, you are beautiful, and you can get through this. There are so many people rooting for you who love you. And even if you think no one does, know that I do, no matter who you are.
If you are feeling suicidal, and need to talk someone immediately, please call the National Suicide Hotline Number at 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK. If you would prefer to text someone and are in the U.S., you can text the word CONNECT to 741741. You will be able to connect to a live, trained Crisis Counselor that will listen to you. And they will never judge.
You can also click here for local numbers within the United States, and here for International Suicide Hotlines.
Sources and links:
Statistics of Mental Illness from Mental Health Problems - An Introduction
Statistics of Borderline in the U.S. from How Common is Borderline Personality Disorder?
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance by Matthew McKay PH.D; Jeffrey C. Wood, PSY.D; Jeffrey Brantley, MD. Published by New Harbinger Publications.
Drug Trials' Encouraging Results for Borderline Personality Disorder
Resources about Dialectical Behavior Therapy:
Resources about Borderline Personality Disorder and treatment:
6 DBT Distraction Techniques & a PLAN! Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Borderline Personality Disorder Fact Sheet at heretohelp
Therapy image by Tumisu on Pixabay
Disclaimer: The Content on this page is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you might have regarding a mental condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency, please call 911 immediately.